Hard Nonsense
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| Wednesday, June 29th, 2005 | | 1:11 pm |
When the walls fell
In the still of night I think of the day When the walls fell And the sickness inside me Washed hope away As the walls fell There is nothing left for me But splintering pain Fore the walls fell Now, what am I to do With all that remains Since the walls fell There was a day When I was young I did not fear what has become An open wound, still bleed from This leision in my soul It's terrible I'm terrible It's never letting go I was a pilgrim once Just looking for the truth Until the walls fell I was a no one Happily wondering through my youth When the walls fell There was hope for me A chance for innocence But the walls fell I was broken, shattered By my arrogance The day the walls fell The truth is friends We all have walls We'll all come before the father When he calls It's then we'll find if it's enough To know the truth Till then, we reck ourselves Searching for the truth Great is he who waits At time sweet end And great are those Who are left standing until then After the walls fell | | Friday, May 27th, 2005 | | 11:44 am |
What a week I've had:
Okay, so here is the deal. Things have gone very bad this week, but they've also gone very good this week. I was handed an assignment that seemed almost impossible to me at work. I haven't taken a lunch all week. I've work tons of overtime that I won't be paid for because I'm salary, but I got the assignment done. I was stressing about the state worker coming in to inspect my residence, but that turned out okay. I had another large project that I thought was done, that decided to delete itself, but I got it fixed. It just feels like I've taken two steps forward, and one back. Yeah, I'm making progress, but it's still frustrating. I'm glad we have a three day weekend coming up. I'm looking forward to seeing a good friend of mine, and hopefully picking up a car. I just hope it all works out. If not its cool, I'll just keep on taking my two steps. | | Monday, May 2nd, 2005 | | 11:59 am |
Random thoughts
You know the more I think about it the more I'm sure that God is good. Just wanted to put it in writing, cause lord knows I don't say it often enough. I've completed my adoption training class over the weekend. To say the least, it was an emotional ordeal for me, but thinking back I have to say its been a healthy experience. Its not good to let old wounds get too well healed. Every once in a while you have to rip the scar open and let the sucker bleed a little bit. I say that because the wounds that so often we tell ourselves are healed are really just in hiding. They can be affecting us in a million differnt ways we're not even aware of. The only way to live a life not dominated by our past is to look backwards every once in a while and examine the things that still haunt us. In the end the temporary suffering that this provokes fades away and we are left with a greater understanding of ourselves, so that even those tears we shed show themselves eventually to be a blessing. I'll not pretend any wisdom to you. I've no profound answers I've kulled from my past, but I think I understand myself more now than I have at any point in my life. I'm not angry with God anymore. Maybe thats a start towards making my peace, I don't know. What I do know is I can pray now and be okay with the person I'm praying to. That at least is a blessing. But like I said, God is good. | | Monday, April 25th, 2005 | | 1:58 pm |
hello
Had a minor triumph just now. I got the 90t in testing to run without my boss there to help. Been caught up in it over the last few days. The adoption thing is going way faster than my wife and I thought. Been wishing for a few days to breath, but that doesn't look like its in the works. Tonight we are going to look at a house. I don't know if we are going to move but we might. I'll let you all know when and if we decide to take the plunge. Anyway, take it easy. Current Music: Mr. Brightside, by The Killers | | Wednesday, April 13th, 2005 | | 12:19 pm |
Troubled....
It's been a frustrating week so far. I am once again trying to quick smoking, I'm working through an assignment from my wife and I's adoption class that's causing me to have to deal with some pretty emotional issues, nothing seems to be getting done at work or if it is its taking about twice as long as it should, and to top it all off I have the sinus headache from hell. That's right, sucks to be me! I have a question. How do I write my autobiography, the story of my life, in under 5 pages? If that was all there was, wouldn't that be just a little sad? I mean there's more than that in one day, most of the time. Or maybe there's not, and I'm just wishing there was. Who knows? Well, I'm gonna let you go. Just wanted to sort of say what was on my mind. I'm thinking about posting my autobiography when I'm done. Don't know if I will though. There are some things about me I don't know if I want the world to know. Might be good therapy though, I'll have to think on it. Anyway, I'll see you when I see you. Best wishes. Your Faithful Venter, Hard Nonsense | | Wednesday, April 6th, 2005 | | 1:30 pm |
Greetings
Interesting happening about. Not for me, but I'm sure somebody. I've gotten nearly settled in to things at work. I wish I'd be able to get a little more reading in but heck, don't we all. I've missed posting on this thing. You guys know, how little I do post. I'm working to get chapter 6 done. I am adding a few new scenes to the original draft. Hopefully you'll enjoy them. At any rate, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I miss you all. | | Sunday, March 27th, 2005 | | 3:41 pm |
Okay, here it is.
Alright, here is the fifth chapter of my novel, and if you thought this took a long time wait until you see chapter 6. I hope you enjoy, and please, please, please, give me some comments on this I can use. Even I realize this is ackward in places, I just can't seem to fix it. HELP !!!!! | | 3:16 pm |
| | Monday, January 31st, 2005 | | 12:39 pm |
Thoughts on Anger.
Just a few thoughts on a Monday. It's interesting how sometimes we see our own short comings with perfect clarity and yet we tell ourselves there is nothing we can do about them because regardless of our knowledge we can not change the things we are feeling. I try very had not to think that way, but here recently I think I've fallen into same old trap. Without going into a huge amount of detail lets just say that recently I have been having some anger issues. I know I need to work on taking the time to take a step back but sometimes I just don't. I rationalize of course. I tell myself how justified my anger is. I read myself the laudry list of little slights that people have inflicted upon me and I feel justified. Christ wasn't like that though, and regardless of your particular faith I think you'd have to agree the guy was a pretty good example of anger management. In the end I think I have to rememmber to treat others with respect even when I feel they don't deserve it. If not for that persons sake, then for myown. | | 12:23 pm |
Above the ground.
Above the Ground: Quite moment, fragile peace Inside of words we all beleive Steady silence, waiting through Trusting me to see the truth Peace of hope, this faith, this love Children of the living God We all will shudder falling down Pray, "Lift me up Lord, above ground." Quite truth, long unbeleived Where is the God I know I need Where is the love to fill me up I've fallen down, I'm waking up | | Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 | | 12:42 pm |
General thoughts on my grownup job.
Hello again out there. I was wondering when I would get a chance to get back to this page. I've been burried with work over the last few days. Please don't interpret this as a complaint. It's not. I've found that I'm enjoying work for the first time in my life. The can bury me in work if they want, I'll do it, because incredibly enough I'm feeling mad warm and fuzzies for my chosen profession right now. I am progressing pretty good right with learning how to build air conditioners. I won't say I've got the problem wipped, that would just be stupid as well as untrue, but I am progressing and really right now progress is all I can realistically expect from myself. We'll get'r done eventually. I am getting a new cellphone. I'll let you guys know when I have it up and running so you can contact me. And no I won't be putting the number online. I'm dumb but not that dumb. :-) Just as a side note, Julie was in an accident the other day. SHE IS FINE, but the cars all fucked up so if I'm not around in the next few days you'll know I'm dealling with that. Hope all is right in your little corners of this pretty blue rock. Best wishes. | | Monday, January 24th, 2005 | | 12:40 pm |
I beleive in the future We shall suffer no more Maybe not in my lifetime But in yours I feel sure Raindogs barking at the break of dawn Gently brushing the edges of a thunderstorm And these streets quiet as a sleeping as sleeping army Send their battered dreams to heaven To heaven For the mothers restless song Who is a witness to Who is a warrior Who denies his urge to break and run He says, "Hard times." "I'm used to them." "The speeding planet burns." "And I'm used to it." "My life's so common it dissappears." "And somtimes, even music." "Can not substitute for tears." A few lines from, "Cool, Cool River" A song by Paul Simon. In my opinion that is one of the most powerful lines ever penned in a pop song. Sometimes we are left no resort but to feel the full weight of the troubles that weigh on us. These are the days were we must face our own limitations, maybe even our humanity. I don't know why I was thinking about this song. I'm actually in a pretty good mode. I guess I have always found the song comforting in a way. I've felt this so many times. It's just nice to hear someone else putting it into words. Anyway, have great day. Hope I haven't bummed you out to much. | | Thursday, January 20th, 2005 | | 12:33 pm |
Greetings from the land of real life.
Well for those of you who don't know I have returned from the land of sunshine and fine cigars. I have to say that I didn't miss the weather at all. What the hell is up with this snow anyway. I heard it was seventy degrees the whole time I was gone and now I can't by a forcast above freezing. But that's okay. I am sitting in my office right now on my lunch break, doing real engineering work for the first time in a long time and to be honest, I can't bring myself to sweat the weather. I hope everybody is doing alright and that the holiday season has been kind to you. I'll be trying to post a little more regularly in the coming weeks. Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm back and that I'll be thinking about you. God Bless. | | Sunday, December 12th, 2004 | | 8:48 pm |
| | Saturday, December 4th, 2004 | | 5:00 pm |
A Song and a Poem
Come Tomorrow by Bruce Goff John is shaking As he walks across the floor His heart is breaking As each step betrays him more Pulls his wallet out There's a picture there Of his daughter MaryAnne Then his shoulders drop And the tears come As he runs back out again He say's come tomorrow I won't need this goddamn drug I'll be the one you see When you look at me And just on will be enough Come tomorrow She will look at me and smile There'll be no fear in her brown eyes And I'll hold her for a while, Come Tomorrow Kathy's crying But there's no one left to her She is a fragment of Her fathers daughter Broken by his years Her right eyes swelling And the tears mingle with blood Packs a suitcase Then she quits him But her soul's intact enough She say, come tomorrow I'll be highway heaven bound There'll be no way he can find me And if he does, I'll put him in the ground Come tomorrow There'll be no one left to fear No shadow in my closed eyes No backhands or bloody tears, Come tomorrow I am a sinner I am a soul emptied by pain Looking for something To fill me up again I've been so damn proud For so damn long And God knows that that's the truth I just figured out I got nothing Christ can I please hold on to you Come tomorrow I won't feel like I'm alone I'll be holding on to Jesus As the father takes me home Come tomorrow I won't break beneath this load There'll be no shame left to kill me And I'll sing a song of hope This is the teaser poem for Chapter 4. Unborn by Bruce Goff What was lost was found again Inside the fragile slintered ends Of people half remembered Half forgotten Half forlorn And some say, tis a helleva thing To live through being upborn. | | Sunday, November 21st, 2004 | | 5:21 pm |
Finishing Strong
Well another weekend now has ended and I sit at my computer at a loss for something to write. A friend of mine has agreed to help with the FE. I'll be attempting to get his review text when we meet over Thanksgiving. I've been thinking--a dangerous prospect--about a sermon that I went to this morning. The subject was on finishing our walks with christ well. The topic sort of hit home for me, because I remember a time when I was much closer to God than I am now. It's so easy just to dismiss this reality with the idea that I've grown up, and that it's harder to place faith in God once you've seen some of the world. It's one of those simple, easy to buy, mostly B.S. explanations we often sell to ourselves to excuse our shortcomings, when we bother to think of them at all. But the truth is, I've just gotten distracted, and more than a little bit lazy. Just this morning I tried to talk my wife out of going to church on the grounds that I was too tired and didn't want to waist my day off. What an absurd idea, that worshiping the being I believe created me would be a poor use of my time. Writing this, I'm ashamed that the words ever came out of my mouth. But the words did come from me; I spoke them, and the truth is I meant them. Sort of puts a dent in the old positive self-image. There was a time once--a pretty hard night shift--when I walked the bays where I work screaming, "We will finish strong!" At the time it was meant, to be a half-serious attempt to inspire the troops. We were all a little down, and I thought if I could make them laugh, the rest of the shift might go easier. It's a good idea though--it even worked, but I think I'm gonna have to start buying a little more of what I sell. Life is hard, and there is pain sometimes, but for the most part God is good. Anyway, I gotta go. The night is growing old, and my wife is coming to pick me up from work (I know it was my day off but what can you do). There's only a few sweet hours left in the day. I think I'm gonna try to finish strong. Current Music: Nora Jones | | Monday, November 15th, 2004 | | 1:42 pm |
Happy
I want to say how thankful I am that you guys have been providing me feedback. More than anything else your encouragement keeps me working on this novel through the long hours of editing, when it seems like I've lost my way. I just want to say I will endeavor not to disappoint. I've been wondering how everybody is doing. I've been fine. I've decided to take the FE exam. It's this really hard test that engineers have to take, supposedly if we pass we are credentialed. I will be updating you all from time to time on my progress. But don't worry, I'm not going to stop writing. | | Wednesday, November 10th, 2004 | | 11:42 pm |
"The Coming War" Chapter 3.
Twilight threw long twisting shadows along the living room walls of Rachel’s home. They slid sideways across the wallpapered surface giving the room the appearance it was breathing. Susan closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She lay where she had for the better part of the day, on Rachel’s couch huddled neck deep in her counselors thick woolen blankets. She clung to the fabric with a desperation that was unjustified by the temperature of the room. ( Read the full chapter here! ) | | Tuesday, November 9th, 2004 | | 1:25 pm |
Posting just because
Why America, why? This is all I will say about the presidential election last week. Apparantly over half the people in this country are complete fucking idiots. Enough said. Well another chapter is edited and ready for posting. I will try and find the time to do this tonight. I have been struggling just a little with the tone of the writing. I think what you'll see in this chapter is a minor departure from the tone of the first two sections. I have made several minor changes to make the story read more conversationally. Let me know if I succeeded. I have also gone ahead and adjusted the first two chapters--meaning I've done a third draft--to make sure the story is consistant. I've changed nothing in the story however so the only way I'll post the new version is if you guys want me to. For those of you who have expressed an interest in the story, you have my thanks. I've found you feedback encouraging. Just to tease you, here is the introductory poem for chapter 3. Gregory he danced with me, Upon the rock of ages And in my book of sorrows He did weep upon the pages And on the wind I suckled On his dreams as they were torn Then Gregory he said to me I'll be gone in the morn | | Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004 | | 2:09 pm |
William Gibson
I was reading a book last night, partially because I was ill and sometimes reading can make the world stop spinning, mostly though I was reading to learn how to write well. Last night I chose a gentleman named William Gibson, who's work I have to say should be required reading for anyone considering the craft. If you have never read "Neuromancer," or his short story "Fragments of a Hologram Rose," I encourage you to do so. The later is a mere seven pages long, and is one of the most fulfilling short reads I have ever run accross. What I learn when I read Gibson, is that a writer can create a fully realized world without wasting his readers time with page upon page of stunted desciption. He also has an unbeleivable knack for putting the reader right into his character's head. This is a skill which I feel all writers should strive to possess. One which I always find myself lacking in. I feel it's important though, because this is how we penetrate our readers defenses. This is how we can change them. Anyway, I wanted to encourage all of you to check him out. I think you'll find that though his stories are dark (a bit of an understatement), there is also beauty in the future's Gibson imagines, and the beauty is that much more profound for the darkness. |
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